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In the Peanuts comic strip, remember that “AUGH!!” scream Charlie Brown always gave when he was destressed and overwhelmed?
That’s how I feel. Overwhelmed.
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I feel like I’m drowning. No matter how hard I try to get ahead, I only keep falling behind. My to-do list keeps getting longer, and sometimes things don’t even make it onto the list because they slip my mind and I don’t remember them until the Professor asks us to pass the assignment in, like a paper in class this morning that I totally didn’t do, just for example.
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“I feel thin – sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.” Bilbo hit the nail on the head. My lack of time management skills on top of my terrible habit of procrastination leave me bogged down in schoolwork. It gets so bad sometimes that I end up weighing which grade can afford to lose a few points and put that one off to turn in late while I finish another.
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I don’t know where my time went. Not just schoolwork, but other things are getting behind as well. Updates I would like to make to the CSF website I haven’t found time for, my own website has been on the back burner since Christmas and, perhaps most depressingly of all, I’ve realized that a few simple pleasures in life I no longer have time to enjoy very regularly. Things like reading for pleasure and writing.
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And most tragically of all, I’ve let my relationship with God get stagnant lately. I can’t remember when my daily quiet times stopped becoming daily, and my prayer life has been composed mostly of rushed, whispered cries of “Help!”
I can feel it too. I can tell when I’m not as close. I don’t feel Him in the wind or hear His singing in the rain like I used to. My joy tank is running on empty. My head hurts.
Of course, now with it laying out in black and white I can see what the problem is. Duh, Josh. Somewhere along the line God dropped down a few notches on the priority list, and now He’s bringing my world down around me to make me realize it. He does that, you know. “For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God” (Exodus 20:5). If you let anything else get above Him, He’s gonna start taking them out.
I know the Gardener always knows what is best, but sometimes the pruning still hurts.
Prayers much appreciated.